is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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