Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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