She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
