Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
