Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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