I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
