I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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