I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
