apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
