I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
