I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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