We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
