you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
