its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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