I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
