The maid of honor just puked.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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