I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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