Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I understand Curling. That high.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
