we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
