I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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