Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
