Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
