A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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