Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
