i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I don't deserve a penis
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
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