R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Randomize
