I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
