id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
