bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
