If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
i believe in u and ur pee
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
