Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
