You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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