My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
