I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
