And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
this beer tastes like vomit already
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
