I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
