would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Randomize
