in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Boobs are out for the taking
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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