I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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