I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
