Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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