so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
