yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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