There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
