found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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