youre lurking in front of me
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
