We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
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I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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