mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
