i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
