Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
