THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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