I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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