i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Shame - the story of my life.
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