Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
