I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
