There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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