I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
