I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
