When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
