u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Randomize
