oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
