Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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