can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Randomize
