Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
