Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
