the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
