On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Randomize
