My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
