Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
