Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize