I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
