This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
