There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
