Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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