no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
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You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
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official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize