Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
