Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
