i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Congratulations! We have a period
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