Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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