Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
