You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
