Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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