I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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