We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I think pants incapable of making pants work
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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