He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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