i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
