He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
