Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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