please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
